❄️ Project ICEBERG
A Fantasy M&A Guide to Buying Greenland
(This document is confidential, speculative, and absolutely not binding on the Kingdom of Denmark, the Government of Greenland, or reality.)
1. 🧾 Target Overview
Target: Greenland
Seller: Kingdom of Denmark (controlling shareholder, ~98% economic interest, declining strategic enthusiasm)
Minority Stakeholders: ~56,000 Greenlanders (golden shares, veto rights, moral authority)
Ticker: N/A (illiquid, no float)
Investment Thesis:
Massive landmass
Tiny population
Strategic Arctic location
Untapped natural resources
High geopolitical optionality
Low EBITDA, high narrative upside
Classic deep-value with embedded call options 📈
2. 📊 Key Metrics (Adjusted)
Metric Value
Land Area ~2.1 million km² (mostly ice—non-core assets)
Population ~56k (manageable stakeholder engagement)
GDP ~USD 3bn
Natural Resources Rare earths, uranium, oil (politically sensitive line items)
Strategic Value “Incinerates your balance sheet but terrifies rivals”
⚠️ Accounting note: Ice sheets classified as non-depreciating but melting assets.
3. 🧠 Strategic Rationale (Why Buy?)
A. Geopolitical Synergies 🌍
Arctic shipping lanes = future logistics alpha
Military positioning optionality
Satellite & missile defense real estate
“We own the map now” energy
B. Natural Resources Upside 🪨
Rare earths = EVs, defense, tech
Optionality increases as ice melts (ESG irony bonus)
Long-dated, politically gated resource play
C. Prestige Arbitrage 👑
Buying Greenland instantly upgrades:
Global relevance
Atlas footprint
Dinner-party dominance
4. 💰 Valuation (Highly Imaginative)
DCF (Discounted Cash Flow…ish)
Near-term cash flows: weak
Terminal value: vibes
Discount rate: “geopolitical risk premium + weather”
👉 Result: Valuation range = $50bn–$1tn, depending on:
Oil prices
Ice melt speed
Military tensions
How persuasive your PowerPoint is
5. 🧩 Deal Structure
Proposed Transaction:
100% acquisition via:
Cash
Long-dated infrastructure commitments
NATO concessions
Lifetime supply of wind turbines and fiber cables
Earn-outs:
Resource revenues
Shipping tolls
Climate research grants
Naming rights to fjords (controversial)
6. 🧑⚖️ Due Diligence Red Flags
🚩 Indigenous rights
🚩 Climate optics
🚩 “You can’t buy countries” issue
🚩 Denmark’s constitution
🚩 Everyone’s constitution
🚩 The UN
🚩 Twitter
Mitigation strategy:
Call it a “Strategic Partnership with Full Economic Integration”
Hire 10,000 lawyers
Add “Sustainable” to every slide 🌱
7. 🤝 Stakeholder Management Plan
Greenlanders
Infrastructure investment
Political autonomy guarantees
Revenue sharing
Cultural protections
Extremely good internet
Denmark
Debt relief
Security guarantees
Eternal goodwill
A graceful exit narrative
The World
Emphasize:
Science
Climate research
Peace
“This is not imperialism, it’s capital allocation”
8. 🌱 ESG Framework
E: Ice preservation, renewables, carbon offsets
S: Indigenous governance, local employment
G: Transparent administration, no evil lairs (surface level)
Investor slide:
“Greenland is not being exploited—it is being optimized.”
9. 🧨 Key Risks
Sanctions
Protests
Arctic geopolitics
Climate backlash
Becoming a Bond villain
History textbooks judging you harshly
10. 📌 Exit Strategy
Spin-off resources IPO
Long-term lease model
Strategic resale to “friendly power”
Or… hold forever as a geopolitical trophy asset
🧊 Final Recommendation
BUY (Fantasy Only)
Rationale:
Unique asset
No comps
Unlimited optionality
Zero chance this actually closes
“You don’t buy Greenland for cash flow.
You buy it so no one else does.”